Monday, March 31
I took my measurements this morning.... I think they're good measurements.. for the Hulk. So Com, I'm back for more. I really wanna reduce those numbers. I mean today I squeezed my size 41 boobs into a 34 bra... that was painful. But I really like that bra. Or maybe I'm in denial. Probably a little bit of both.
I want to show you I mean business so here's my food diary for today:
I'm hungry but I will not snack... tonight. Hey, it's one day at a time, right?
The Hulky Girl
Wednesday, March 26
In this edition of travel thru time, we have:
- a few years of a very bad perm
- my first boyfriend.. his name begins with a D but I can't remember the whole thing!!
- my first nekkid shots (thanks Mom)
- me being nerdy posing with a certificate of achievement or some jazz like that
- my preschool class... the girl I'm sitting next to I ended up befriending again in the 8th grade when she transferred to my school. I'm easy to spot.. the only brown person in the picture. :)
- the tidal wave hairdo - thank you 1990's
- the 8th grade prom formal; my hair was so huge and I think that this was the reason I hated purple for so long. Look at that dress!
- me and Santa. I told him he had bad breath.
- Tina all growed up... posing for the camera
Monday, March 24
I feel like I'm 90. Seriously. I'm feeling a heck of a lot better since my bout with the plague... but since then I am TIRED, all the time. I guess I need time to completely heal up and I'm trying my best to really listen to my body and what it's telling me my capacity is. The good news is I'm back on track. Wait, does Taco Bell for lunch count? I kid, I kid. Kinda. The appetite, although it has been for junk the last couple of weeks, has been minimal. Like once a day (maybe) minimal. I'm trying to get excited about food again but I pretty much have to force myself to eat. Any tips on eating when your appetite is nonexistent?
Speaking of food, let's play a little game... a guessing game. This beauty appeared at my friend's birthday party the other day. I guessed twice (incorrectly) what I thought it was... You play too!
I hope your Easter was great. I was thinking about you... This week I'm working on catching up and getting back to normal. Be patient with me, k?
Wednesday, March 19
Tuesday, March 18
... yesterday, last night, I decided to crawl from my bed and get my secret ailment remedy.. McD's french fries. I decided to put on a cute pink tee shirt, a black sweatshirt, my white poofy vest & my pajama bottoms. Don't judge me, they're COMFY. You say, what's the big deal? Well, my pajama bottoms have a black background with gynormous hot pink Victoria Secret lips on them. Yes, they do. They were a present but I love them nonetheless.
I ventured outside and OF COURSE all my neighbors were outside, just chatty chattin' away. And I live in the type of neighborhood where you make small talk.. I'm so antisocial sometimes and all my neighbors are really really nice. Chatty nice. Yep, I stopped.. giggled about my pj's.. made some joke about how I was "stylin" and then mosied off to my car. When I arrived back home, I was relieved to find them all tucked inside their cosey little homes until I noticed TWO MORE of my neighbors pulling in at the same time. When will I learn that everyone else in the world had to get dressed and SO DO I!!
Thank you to all who commented.. I am on the mend. I am not better (although I acted like Superwoman today at work) but I am getting there. Thanks for the get well vibes. I think they are working!
What I Alka Seltzer induced dreamed about last night:
- fighting a bunch of Ninjas
- flying thru the air -- a completely separate part of the dream
- frosting a chocolate cake for two of my friends, at a funeral
- running and hiding from bad guys, not related to the ninja dream
- oh and I was partially clothed at one point and couldn't get into my UNLOCKED car because I didn't have keys
Saturday, March 15
Ok, pictures... I took about 100 pictures a day and I'm not obnoxious enough to post each and every one, so for those that are curious, once I am back among the living, I will make a photo album and create a link for your viewing pleasure. Deal?
My best friend and I at the Castle District.
One of my favorite pictures that I took. Someone told me I should submit it for a postcard. I'm just glad I figured out how to use my camera.
Our last evening in Budapest, we revisited the Castle District. I had never seen the castles at night. The air was quiet, peaceful.
A shot of the view from a friend's house. The last full day we were there, the sun decided to come out.
My obsession continues. I asked a scary looking Hungarian biker dude if I could pose with this beauty. He obliged.
I was really missing Polly. I think I spotted 3 or 4 boxers while over there. This "little guy" was so sweet and bouncy. Just like my Polly.
I'm glad I crawled out of bed to say hi to you all and to post some more pictures from the trip. What a freakin' fabulous time I had, it was better than last year which I didn't think was at all possible. Hanging out with old buds and making some new friends... going to new places, totally and completely acting like the tourist that I was. Yeah, I'm proud of it.
Thanks for your thoughts and well wishes! Now can anyone stop by with some Alka Seltzer? That would be great, thanks.
Saturday, March 8
The Marzipan Lady
This is all candy. I had to take this. I love the Flinstones.
Thanks for all your hellos! Hello back at ya. Swizzle, I can't wait to hear the story! Trust me, I have some good potty stories too. Thank you Europe. I'm headed back to bed. Hopefully to feel better in the morning. Hugs.
Friday, March 7
Tuesday, March 4
Aack, an 11 hour day at the office (yes, I played Scrabble and checked my email but I still worked hard nonetheless). Today, nearing the end of my day I said this: "... if worse comes to shove..." I concluded that either I have been influenced by the Dutch boss that I always tease for saying things like "four times four" when he means four wheel drive or I'm just in need of a break. Wow, I just spelled break "b-r-e-a-k-e".
I am so looking forward to 5 and a quarter days in Europe. Old friends to hug, new friends to torment... it's gonna be a great time! And I'm traveling with my best bud... who could ask for anything more?
Turns out I will have the interweb in my room when I get there - maybe - so I may post quickly if only to tell one of my stories or to make ya'll jealous with a picture or two.
Have an awesome week! I look forward to catchin' up with you guys when I return.
ps. Yes, that's my airline. No, I'm not worried. Mel, don't you DARE watch this.
Monday, March 3
Saturday, March 1
Letter to Proctor & Gamble
This is an actual letter from an Austin, Texas woman sent to the
American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine
products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's
PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-
winning letter. ...
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be
your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's
a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is
starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently
surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust
and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred
hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers
monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's
a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer
fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George
Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was
written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to
the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping
so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you **ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything
'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and
Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to
the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to
end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap
a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Austin , TX