Thursday, February 14

Happy freakin' Valentines

My morning started a little something like this.

I forgot to let Polly out last night before bed so this morning when she was doing the bathroom wiggle, I should have known that there wasn't much room to play. I moved as fast as I could. I mean, c'mon. I just woke up. Stumbling to the back door, with one eye open...Oh lord, what was that I just stepped in? Lovely. It's too early to step in warm, wet stuff. Actually, it's not too early. I'm running late. Again. Good thing Mel is driving today. And picking up coffees before she meets me. I knew I loved her.

I got dressed in about 5 minutes, splashed some water on my face, brushed my teeth, tidied my hair and I was ready to go. I get a phone call. It's the bff and she's at Walmart. Looking for a VD card for me because she forgot at home the one originally bought. So she was looking for the same card. At a different store. Did you get coffees? No, because I wanted to get you a card. She's so sweet but all I can respond is "I hate Valentines Day". Nice. I'm such a wonderful person. Maybe I'm grouchy because I stepped in dog pee.

Mel arrives a few minutes later and I gather up my belongings (including Polly) and head out the door. I put Polly in a sit/stay while I lock up. She takes off. I don't really care at this point because I still have my whole life to pile into Mel's big honkin' SUV. I dump my stuff in her car and then go to collect the dog. Keep in mind I am not in my warmest outfit.

Polly, come. Ride? *sweet and fun voice. Polly looks in my direction, looks vaguely interested, then takes off. I am trying to keep in mind all the things I've heard about getting my dog to come. Don't sound angry. Don't be stressed. Make it fun.

You know what was fun (to her)? That I was calling her and she wasn't coming. In fact, she ran farther away. Oh yay, she's stopping! Maybe now I can grab her. Oh my lord, she's POOPING. And my neighbor is walking out the door and is totally gonna report me. Not another letter from the homeowner's association. I always pick up her poop but today it was 16 degrees out and tears were streaming down my face because I was so cold. So there the poop lay because I had bigger fish to fry. I needed to CATCH MY DOG. I try to trick her and open the door to my car. She runs across the front lawn of all my neighbors. Back and forth. Like a demon child. I'm convinced that when I do catch her, I'm gonna kill her. I breathe a sigh of relief. She's coming closer. Yay! I reach for her. Miss. And she DARTS off. Again. To the field across from my house. Oh Lord, I think I'm gonna die. I'm just ready to leave her ass behind. I wanna sit on Mel's heated seats! I try to trick her by opening my car door again. This time it works! She hops in my car. Only problem is that's not the car we're taking today. She's sitting in the front. I open the front door to grab her leash and yank lead her out of my car. She hops to the back seat. Ok, I can do this. I close the front door and open the back door. She jumps to the front again. Melissa at this point says "Grab her leash". I should point out that this bit of helpful advice comes minutes after she laughed for about 5 minutes straight at the spectacle I was creating for all my neighbors (and apparently her too) to enjoy. Priceless.

I've got the leash! I thought my morning Olympics were over. I forgot about the next hurdle. Getting Polly into Mel's car. Finally after much struggling and my embarrassing butt crack show to the world, we managed to get in. Of course I had to share MY seat with her. I don't care. I'm in the car. I'm sitting down. I'm warm. A little squished but warm nonetheless. What's that? Those "brrrp" things on the road that are a supposed to be little reminders that you shouldn't be sleeping while driving. Yeah, Polly hates those. Mommy loves them. Because it meant I got to have my seat all to myself.

Happy Valentines Day!


melissious said...

Yeah, that was some GRADE A entertainment! And thanks for making it a BAD thing that your friend got you a VALENTINE. Sheesh. And no mention of the stinky present... nice.

Kate said...

Oh I love mornings like that, when I'm trying to manage my farm and nothing seems to be going right. SO...MUCH...FUN.

PS I hate Valentines too!

Steph said...

I'd be pissed if my friend got me a "VD" card too........that cracked me up but not like your butt crack showing morning did!! BTW - Polly should be your valentine - pee or not!

Hugs to you and hope your VD gets better - LMAO!

HappyBlogChick said...


(I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you.)

(You are laughing, right?)

Amanda said...

I almost spit pineapple through my nose when I got to the butt crack part!!!! Oh my this was hilarious to read!!! Glad you got her and nothing bad happened. I would've left her butt at home after all that! :)

Laura B. said...

Ugh...I certainly hope your day got better, Tina. But really, look at that could you be mad at a gorgeous mug like that?

melissious said...

I edited my blog from this morning... ;)

Swizzlepop said...

OMG LMAO, sorry but between stepping in fresh pee, watching the poo show on the neighbors lawn, your butt crack and you really just wanting some coffee I just about fell off the couch laughing.

Hope your Valentines Day got better and I think its sweet that your bff got you a card.

Maybe after your Budapest trip you need to head West, it was in the 70s this past weekend. :)